Facing a divorce? The advice you really need is hard to come by!

Helping you to cope with divorce

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Divorce advice, separation counselling and good legal advice can really help you through a very turbulent and painful time.

If you're facing a divorce, you may feel that your partner is pulling all the strings. This might leave you feeling out of control and frightened. Perhaps you feel you've been ’abandoned’ in some kind of ‘no-man’s land, just’ waiting for the next onslaught of bad news. Coping with divorce can seem nothing but a nightmare.

Life after a separation often resembles a roller-coaster ride with all its foreseeable (and unforeseeable) ups and downs. There are nearly always many twists and turns before the final Decree Nisi.

Just before we look at how you can cope with divorce, if you think there's a chance you can still save your marriage then I'd love to help you with that too. Have a look at The Magic of Making Up.

I'll still be here when you come back.

The ending of a relationship and divorce advice

Separation and/or divorce can unfortunately be a lengthy process. But I can't tell you how important it is to keep the channels of communication open.

The right divorce advice from appropriate professionals can save your sanity and will ensure that you're coping with your divorce the best you can.

Communicating effectively when you're both emotional can seem at times impossible. However, remaining at the very least polite and co-operative is vital if you have children.  

You may be splitting up, but you are going to be parents for the rest of your lives.

Coping with divorce
Your different needs at home and in counselling

By the time a couple finally goes to see a counsellor, one of the partners may have been preparing to leave or end the marriage for some time. (You might want to have a look at my page on the Causes of Divorce). He or she often still ‘cares’ very deeply, but probably only like a brother or sister. The other partner usually feels as if the world around them has collapsed.

Both partners are on a different time-scale. Their needs, in counselling and at home, are very different and they each cope differently with divorce depending on where they are in the process.  The partner who wants to end the marriage wants distance. They're often afraid that any show sympathy may be seen as a sign of hope that separation or divorce can be averted. The other desperately needs the comfort of a close attachment. They need to be able to ask questions, and they want answers, commitment, and reassurance.

The right kind of divorce advice - UK, USA, CA or anywhere else - is vital.

To make the process as painless as possible, do have a look at my page with further advice and tips to help make the divorce a little easier.

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child."

Frank A. Clark

12 ways divorce advice and counselling can help

A counsellor who offers divorce counselling should be able to help you:

  1. understand normal reactions to stress and loss
  2. explore the possible reasons for the break-up
  3. understand what might be going on for you and your partner now
  4. communicate effectively with your partner
  5. explore sources of support
  6. advise you of appropriate services
  7. identify and access your own personal resources
  8. communicate with the most important people in your life
  9. advise you on how to support the children
  10. facilitate re-engagement with each other if there is a glimmer of hope
  11. re-engage with life and find new meaning if there isn't
  12. 'normalise' feelings, thoughts and behaviours during this time of crisis, so that you feel better able to cope with your divorce

Of course, I fully understand that you might not like the idea of counselling - it isn't for everyone. Also, it can be quite expensive.

So instead you could try: Save My Marriage Today. I've reviewed a great resource, written by Lee Baucom PhD, which might just be what you need...

You can also connect with a professional, licensed therapist. It's so easy to set up an online session these days, regardless of the device you're using. It can be such a relief to have someone by your side who has your best interest at heart. Someone who doesn't judge, no matter what's been happening. For further information see my page on online counselling.

Balancing home, work and finances

Divorce or separation can be really, really tough - I so understand this. And the prospect of actually surviving divorce and moving on with your life might seem impossible to you right now. If that's how you're feeling at the moment, then I really hope the advice on my pages here on this site will help you.

Surviving divorce
How long it takes before you begin to feel better

Ideally you need to allow sufficient time, care and consideration to end your marriage well.

A 'good' ending will help you to begin a new relationship more successfully - when you're ready of course. That new relationship stands a better chance of flourishing when bitterness, hurt, anger and pain have subsided and children have settled.

Why rush? With the right divorce advice there is every chance that you both (and your children) will recover sooner and better.

What about your finances?

Sadly, you're likely to be worse off after you've divorced. Your finances will have had a severe blow and surviving divorce comes with many challenges.

The divorce process itself is expensive, and living separately carries a high financial price. You may or may not have a decent income, and that's without us having discussed maintenance.

So I'm afraid it will probably be pretty tough - but again, good advice can help you manage your resources to minimise the impact of the divorce.

How to get divorced
Getting good legal divorce advice

You'll want to make sure that your solicitor or lawyer is specialised and experienced with divorce advice so that you get the very best information on how to get divorced.

I know that my clients survive their divorce much better if their lawyer doesn't increase acrimony between them.

Getting the best divorce advice - from a trained couple counsellor and the right lawyer - will make coping with divorce that much easier.

I've got some tips for you on finding the best divorce lawyer too, so do hop over to my page on how to find the best divorce lawyer.

Balancing home-life and work demands

There's no doubt that the whole process of separation and divorce is hugely challenging. There'll be decisions to be made, tears, stress, chores and children. You can't afford to become a nervous wreck. The stronger you are, the more ably you're going to cope and the calmer the waters.

My last bit of advice is then that you take time to invest in yourself. Do your own thing at least for some of the time. Steal that time if you have to.

Learn to relax and meditate - the benefits are immeasurable.

For sadness and stress, stay away from your doctor - antidepressants aren't going to help. Natural remedies can relieve sadness and weepiness.

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Are Your Children Caught In the Middle?
Before You Divorce, Consider This Advice
Divorce Advice for Men
Before You Consider Taking Revenge for Your Divorce
How divorce affects children
What Are Your True Reasons for Wanting a Divorce?
How to End a Longterm Relationship
Getting over a Relationship without Too Much Pain
How to Deal with Infidelity Effectively
How to Recover Your Self-Esteem

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Elly Prior

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It's me - Elly Prior, I'm the Founder and Author of this site. I'm a 'real' person! I'm hoping to make a positive difference, small or large, to every person who visits my site.

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