Divorce advice
and separation or divorce counselling

Part 1, Part 2

How to make separation and/or divorce a little more bearable

Divorce advice: sign - dead end

Divorce advice, separation counselling and good legal advice can really help you through a very turbulent and painful time.

If you're facing a divorce, you may feel that your partner is pulling all the strings. This might leave you feeling out of control and frightened. Perhaps you feel you've been ’abandoned’ in some kind of ‘no-man’s land, just’ waiting for the next onslaught of bad news. Coping with divorce can seem nothing but a nightmare.

Life after a separation often resembles a roller-coaster ride with all its foreseeable (and unforeseeable) ups and downs. There are nearly always many twists and turns before the final Decree Nisi.

Just before we look at how you can cope with divorce, if you think there's a chance you can still save your marriage then I'd love to help you with that too. Have a look at The Magic of Making Up.

I'll still be here when you come back.

The ending of a relationship and divorce advice

Separation and/or divorce can unfortunately be a lengthy process. But I can't tell you how important it is to keep the channels of communication open.

The right divorce advice from appropriate professionals can save your sanity and will ensure that you're coping with your divorce the best you can.

Communicating effectively when you're both emotional can seem at times impossible. However, remaining at the very least polite and co-operative is vital if you have children.  

You may be splitting up, but you are going to be parents for the rest of your lives.

Coping with divorce
- different needs at home and in counselling

By the time a couple finally goes to see a counsellor, one of the partners may have been preparing to leave or end the marriage for some time. (You might want to have a look at my page on the Causes of Divorce). He or she often still ‘cares’ very deeply, but probably only like a brother or sister. The other partner usually feels as if the world around them has collapsed.

Both partners are on a different time-scale. Their needs, in counselling and at home, are very different and they each cope differently with divorce depending on where they are in the process.  The partner who wants to end the marriage wants distance. They're often afraid that any show sympathy may be seen as a sign of hope that separation or divorce can be averted. The other desperately needs the comfort of a close attachment. They need to be able to ask questions, and they want answers, commitment, and reassurance.

The right kind of divorce advice - UK, USA, CA or anywhere else - is vital.

To make the process as painless as possible, do have a look at my page with further advice and tips to help make the divorce a little easier.

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child."

Frank A. Clark

12 ways divorce advice and counselling can help

A counsellor who offers divorce counselling should be able to help you:

  1. understand normal reactions to stress and loss
  2. explore the possible reasons for the break-up
  3. understand what might be going on for you and your partner now
  4. communicate effectively with your partner
  5. explore sources of support
  6. advise you of appropriate services
  7. identify and access your own personal resources
  8. communicate with the most important people in your life
  9. advise you on how to support the children
  10. facilitate re-engagement with each other if there is a glimmer of hope
  11. re-engage with life and find new meaning if there isn't
  12. 'normalise' feelings, thoughts and behaviours during this time of crisis, so that you feel better able to cope with your divorce

Of course, I fully understand that you might not like the idea of counselling - it isn't for everyone. Also, it can be quite expensive.

So instead you could try: Save My Marriage Today. I've reviewed a great resource, written by Lee Baucom PhD, which might just be what you need...

Alternatively, you might want to speak to an online expert counsellor or therapist - that's really cost-effective and you don't have to commit to ongoing sessions if you don't want to.

Balancing home, work and finances

Join me in Part 2 for my advice on coping with the challenges of having so many demands on your time and your emotions, and for more tips on Surviving Divorce by finding the right lawyer for you.

Part 1, Part 2

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Elly Prior

Hello you! :-)

It's me - Elly Prior, I'm the Founder and Author of this site. I'm a 'real' person! I'm hoping to make a positive difference, small or large, to every person who visits my site.

I suspect you may be looking for help. There are counsellors waiting to help you right now. So, do connect with an expert counsellor now and be as thorough as you like about what's troubling you.

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