Depression in men - hidden suffering?

I imagine that you've landed here looking for info on depression in men for one of two reasons:

  • You are the partner of a man who you suspect is suffering from depression, but who refuses to access help of any kind
  • You are a man suffering from depression and you probably wouldn't dream of going to your doctor. I would not even be surprised (but of course I'm not criticising) if you've switched on ‘private browsing’ so that no one can find out that you've been looking for information about depression. Of course I'm making huge assumptions here - but I know that many men would much prefer to cope by themselves with whatever's bothering them rather than ask for advice. Okay... I know it's a generalisation, but on the whole...
Depressed looking man

Talking to a counsellor? Highly unlikely! Though I have to say that in the last few years I've seen an increase in men wanting help to get for depression.

Men may also find it difficult to seek help because they themselves may have been less than empathetic in the past towards people with mental health problems. "Burn-out? More likely swinging the lead! Depressed? Oh for goodness' sake - pull yourself together!"

You can imagine, then, how difficult it can be for men to seek help with depression.

Just hear this...

Are depression symptoms in men different than in women?

I'm a little hesitant to talk about how men and women differ, not only in case you think I'm sexist - but more importantly because we're all as unique as the stars.

I rather like Prof Baron Cohen'’s assertion that you can have either a female brain or a male brain regardless of your gender. The female brain expresses more empathy and the male brain looks for structure. And then there's everything in between! (This is a huge topic, and not one that I can cover here I'm afraid! So, back to depression in men...)

Research shows that women are more likely to suffer from depression. However, I suspect there's a lot of hidden suffering in men with depression.

They may worry for example about:

  • feeling they've failed in some way
  • financial difficulties
  • inability to support their family
  • getting 'past it' (whatever 'it' may be)
  • a breakdown in their primary relationship and divorce
  • not having 'a future'
  • work-related issues

Specific signs of depression in men

Of course, many of the signs of depression in men are the same as in women, so do visit my other pages on depression too.

However, here are the signs more specific to many men who could be diagnosed with depression...

7 signs of depression in men

  1. Increased alcohol consumption, or other addictions
  2. Increased risk-taking, for example driving faster, taking less care whilst engaging in adrenaline-junkie type activities
  3. Irritability:– snapping at the slightest thing (and then possibly feeling rotten about having done so)
  4. Aggression - with all the consequences for your relationship or marriage, very likely to increase your despair
  5. Withdrawal from normally treasured relationships
  6. Sexual problems, such as impotence (see further down) - no point in reaching for the Viagra!
  7. Tendency to escape - working long hours, driving fast, having an affair

If this sounds like you, I wouldn't be surprised if your partner was the first to notice that you haven't been your usual self lately.

Are you suffering from depression? Do you recognise these symptoms?

It's unlikely that you woke up one morning thinking you were depressed. It's much more likely that you've been suffering from some physical and emotional 'niggles' which have become more and more bothersome over time:

7 symptoms of depression in men

  1. Aches and pains - for which you've probably refused to see a doctor!
  2. Feeling uptight, wound up and stressed
  3. Disturbed sleep; –not being able to fall asleep, frequently waking up in the night, not being able to get back to sleep and feeling dog-tired in the morning
  4. Feeling listless - you ‘can'’t be bothered’ with the things you used to love doing
  5. Feeling less connected and increasingly irritated with the very people you cared about
  6. Feeling angry a bit too often, perhaps losing your rag at the smallest provocation
  7. Thoughts about (a violent) death - potentially one of the most worrying symptoms of depression in men

Men are more likely to think about crashing into the back of a lorry or central reservation, not opening their parachute, faking an accident of any kind or hanging themselves. Incredibly sadly, many men go on to act on those thoughts.

A life spent making mistakes is not only honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."

- George Bernard Shaw, Irish Playwright and co-founder of the London School of Economics

Suicide and depression in men

A man stares into the camera, his face partially in shade.

Thinking about death doesn't necessarily mean you're suicidal right now.

However, I really would like you to think carefully about the meaning of your thoughts.

You may have thought about suicide, though you know you wouldn't do it. Perhaps because of your children, your partner or some other reason that is meaningful to you.

However, the following points are particularly telling about your state of mind and of great concern:

6 signs that you should seek help as soon as possible

  1. you have thought about how you'd kill yourself
  2. you have the means to do it
  3. you have been planning when to do it
  4. you have little support
  5. you see no way out
  6. you feel hopeless and helpless

Sadly men are three to four times more likely to commit suicide than women. This is because men are more likely to take action when they see no escape.

Therefore you could potentially very quickly shift from:

"I'm not going to kill myself, because..."


"I'm no good to anyone, they're much better off without me." 

If you recognise yourself in these descriptions, please don't wait - you need help right now.

Make no mistake about it - those who commit suicide leave their loved ones utterly traumatised with a devastating - often lasting - impact on their mental health.

If you've recently started taking antidepressants and have suddenly started to feel suicidal, please visit your doctor immediately. Your suicidal ideation could be a side-effect of your medication for depression. The same counts if you're feeling abnormally violently angry.

Where to seek help

If you're suffering with depression, whether or not you're feeling suicidal, I would so like you to reach out to someone you trust:

  • talk to your partner (unless your relationship or marriage is on the rocks - no wonder you're depressed!)
  • find out if you have access to a workplace counselling service or if you can be referred to a counsellor, therapist or psychologist
  • visit your local health services as they should be well-versed in helping men who are suffering from depression
  • your church community

If you really can't face seeking outside help right now, do have a look at my page about self-hypnosis. There, you'll find lots of suggestions for dealing with specific problems that may be the cause of your depression.

Self-hypnosis, with the recommended downloads, is a powerful, easy and cost-effective way to start helping yourself... and all from the comfort and privacy of your own home.

Depression symptoms in men may include sexual problems

Recent research has shown that depression can lower testosterone levels. This is a change from the previous assertion that men are more likely to be depressed because of their testosterone levels being below par. So depression symptoms in men can include a low libido for example.

It can become a vicious circle of course. You don't fancy having sex - your partner complains - your relationship or marriage suffers - you become depressed - you really can't face having sex.

The good news is that actually having sex, stopping smoking and leading an active, healthy lifestyle are all likely to increase your testosterone levels. What are you waiting for?

The message clearly is that depression in men can be treated very successfully - not with antidepressants - but instead with...

... a healthy lifestyle
... talking therapy
... hypnosis
... relationship help
... and supportive friends and family.

Need a little inspiration?

Take a look at this video to see how you really can overcome depression, and move forwards into a happier more fulfilling future...

I really would love you to start taking care of yourself, and stop shying away from seeking help with your depression. Why not start by reading the 'Related Articles' here on my site? I promise you, there is so much you can do to help yourself get better again, and my site is here to help you do just that.

Related Articles

Other Helpful Links

National Institute of Mental Health - Depression in men
Royal College of Psychiatrists - Depression in men
PsychCentral - Testosterone decline linked to depression, not aging

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Elly Prior

It's me - Elly Prior, I'm the Founder and Author of this site. I'm a 'real' person! I'm hoping to make a positive difference, small or large, to every person who visits my site.

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Image courtesy of: Kit and Steve Mishos