Feeling rejected because of your partner's infidelity?
If your partner / spouse is having or has had an affair, it is understandable that you worry about what might be wrong with you. Perhaps you have become acutely aware of your perceived 'short-comings'. Trust me, I really get that.
Each and every one of my clients in your position, who came to me to find out how to deal with rejection, has gone through the same turmoil.
However, right now I want you to stop focusing on your ‘faults’ by knowing that:
- You are unlikely to find the real reason your partner has cheated
- he or she may not even be entirely sure themselves and may just give you ‘half-reasons’
- when you’re feeling down, you’ll have a very negative bias towards yourself – not the best time to review your attributes or characteristics!
- being very emotional 'locks' your attention on all the negativity which is also not very helpful to yourself
- you are likely to 'misuse' your imagination by going over all the things you might have done wrong and how much better, more attractive and desirable the other woman / man must be.
- I have seen men and women reject the most beautiful / thoughtful / fantastic partners
If you want to start doing all you can to help repair your relationship or marriage straight away, then 'Save My Marriage/Relationship' will help you do just that. Lee Baucom, PhD is an expert in sorting relationships out... even if your partner doesn't appear to want to put the effort in.
Effective self-help methods
for dealing with rejection in love
FROM MY PRACTICE
Jeanette had told Mark that she was thinking of leaving him. She didn't mean it, she just wanted him to change 'his ways'.
It was a manipulative attempt at getting him to take notice of her and her complaints. I totally understood how she had got to that, but her method wasn't helpful.
Completely unexpectedly Mark then told her that he had been secretly planning to leave her.
And that was the end of their relationship. Well... that was until they decided to go for couple counselling.
It can be terribly hurtful to feel rejected in a love relationship, or by someone you would have wanted to have, or had, a relationship with.
So, on this page you'll learn how to get over the initial shock and how to rebuild your self-esteem. In addition...
- I've chosen a hypnosis track to help you with your feelings of rejection. If you have plucked up the courage to ask someone out and have been rejected, or if you are besotted and hopelessly in love but can't have that person, then download "Unrequited Love" via this page
- If you are in a committed (long-term) relationship or are married and feel rejected, than the download "Mend Your Broken Heart" on the same page to help you recover.
These hypnosis downloads are a tremendous help when you want to get over the pain of rejection. I know how sore you can feel when you've been 'replaced', pushed away, treated with contempt, undermined, 'passed over', ignored, not listened to or not understood. The downloads will help to soothe the hurt in the shortest possible time.
Is your partner having an affair and/or has (s)he already left?
If you feel pushed away, second best or 'replaced' because your partner is having an affair or has actually left you for someone else then you need another plan of action.
Do visit my page How to Stand the Best Possible Chance of a Reconciliation for further information.
How to handle rejection - dealing with your feelings
Get over the initial shock first. See yourself through the initial couple of weeks as best you can – ideally with the help of friends and family, and by treating yourself kindly.
When you are over the initial shock the following suggestions may help...
10 Tips to help you deal with rejection
- Learn to divert your attention away from negative thoughts, remind yourself of what you do have and enjoy, however small
- Postpone your 'processing' of what happened to particular times in the day and set a time-limit. Give yourself permission and time – 20 minutes or so – to mull over what has happened
- Begin to re-engage with all the things you used to enjoy, even if it feels like an effort
- Do not isolate yourself for too long, even if that was helpful initially - when you are feeling so lost and rejected, you ideally need to have familiar and supportive people around you
- Do not allow your doctor to put you on antidepressants (see useful links below)
- Accept that you are grieving – which is very normal after a significant loss. No antidepressants needed for that!
- Listen to the hypnosis download: dealing with rejection
- Be in touch with nature - go for walks, sit with your back against a tree, make an effort to notice flowers, wild-life, lay on the grass or the beach, sit on a rock, notice 'weeds' grow in most unlikely places even in the middle of town. I promise you it'll sooth you.
- Write 'never-to-be-sent' letters (forget about capitals, spelling and grammar - just write!)
- Get help. Talk to one of my counsellors.
When you're dealing with rejection in love, you need to make a plan to help you look to the future and move forward. Write down in your diary what you are going to do differently for every day of the week.
If you are feeling particularly low, you may also want to visit my page on the signs of clinical depression.
Also important is that you invest in re-affirming all that is positive in your relationship and build on that. My Advanced Communication Kit for Couples will help you achieve just that.
How to handle rejection and build your self-esteem
Dealing with rejection can be really difficult, but having to find ways to handle it is part of life. You will get through it - I believe in you.
Any relationship advice on how to deal with rejection should include strategies for rebuilding your self-esteem, and this is how you can begin that process…
- engage in activities – mental or physical – that help you to feel a sense of achievement
- make a list of the things you want to achieve
- include small, medium and large goals – allow your mind to run freely to come up with ideas
- make a start immediately with some of the smaller ones - the sense of achievement will propel you forward feeling much more positive, when you're feeling walked over and/or rejected
Reach out and hug; allow yourself to be hugged.
You now know a little more about how to deal with rejection. The advice above is designed to help you to decide for yourself what you need to do next. You can take the first step by making a plan with an action list, including dates and times, and then you can let your journey begin!
Remember: much unhappiness is not caused by what happens to you in life but how you react to and deal with what happens to you.
Take control and take action today to overcome your distress. You won't only survive, you'll thrive!
Getting over a Relationship
How to Deal with Criticism
Natural Sleep Remedies
How to End a Relationship
How to Build Your Self-Esteem
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