Bored in or with your marriage or relationship?

Break the routine!

When a relationship or marriage becomes 'boring'

you need help to inject some energy into your relationship/marriage.  I hope to be able to do that for you.  I have a list of solutions further down to help dispel that boredom and create more excitement.

Are you bored and don't even know how to talk to your partner?  Hop over to my page on relationship communication to help you get started.  Do come back here for you both to have a look at what can help to improve the situation.

However, maybe your query is more about your being unsure whether your relationship can last.  If so, than you may find this really cool tool helpful in making a decision. (BTW - whilst you are there, have a good look around at this massively successful site).

You are probably aware though that it is fairly normal for that all-absorbing flush of excitement of an early relationship to wear off.  It may last from a few months to a couple of years.  For some fortunate couples it lasts a lifetime, but don't stare yourself blind on that!

To bring back that sparkle, the best thing you can do is engage in some completely new activities.  This will stimulate the bonding hormone oxytocin - the same hormone that is released after an orgasm!  It really helps to create this deep sense of togetherness.  And on that note -  further down I have ideas to spice up your sexual relationship too!

Breaking the monotony

Are you absolutely sure that you are bored with your relationship/marriage or your partner - or are you actually bored with ‘life’?

If you know it is your relationship - could one aspect of your life, e.g. work or an affair, be so fast-paced/exciting that your marriage/relationship feels boring in comparison?

Read on for ideas to change your routines and break the monotony of your relationship - if at least for the moment you are committed to making it work.

For starters - you are probably not talking half as much as you used to.  Deal with the boredom by recreating some of that intimacy again.  The "1000 Questions for couples" from relationship expert Michael Webb will stimulate your conversations.

Changing routine - how not to be bored

Do something completely out of the ordinary together

Life can become ever so serious and predictable, when you have bills to pay and a job to do.  You may have little control over that.  However, you can change your routine completely in other ways.

For example: if you both like the cinema – go to a theater performance instead.  If you like going to gigs, go to an opera.  If you like watching movies at home, go for a six-mile hike.  Instead of going to a football match, go to a tennis match.  If you like clubbing, how about ballroom dancing for a complete change? 

Just think: the anticipation and the stories to share after the event.  I am sure you get my drift!

Do you have a hobby or interest you both love?  How about starting an internet business together and create the possibility of working from home.  To find out how other people (most of them with absolutely no prior knowledge) have done just that, click here.  (Of course there is no reason why you could not do it by yourself!)  Think you can't do it?  Think again.

Plan ahead or go last minute

Whatever you do - it has to be new to create that bonding effect!  Get away for a few days and do something completely out of the ordinary for you.  Go cheap: go camping, hire a bicycle, or expensive: go luxurious, if only for one night.

Are you investing in your own interests?

You could of course be doing too much of that already - in that case, hop to the next heading.  But if not ... it is unrealistic to expect your partner to meet all your needs.  You each need time for your own personal development and your own friends, as well as sharing leisure time.

There is no need to feel threatened if you spend enough time together and all is well between the two of you.  At the end of the day you have something to talk about, if you care enough to show an interest.

What if you put a big cross in your diary?

Make space for the two of you for at least for one evening a fortnight.

A relationship is like a plant – if you don’t feed and water it, it is going to die!

Be cunning and plot ahead!

If you have children, forget about sex being spontaneous!  MAKE time and have some fun with this: 500 Lovemaking tips and Sex Secrets - that will help you inject some spice into your relationship.

Need more excitement in the bedroom?

If you feel ‘dead from the waist down’ or have other sexual relationship problems, regardless of your age—do something about it - visit my page on sexual relationship problems.  Or if that does not appeal to you, sort yourselves out with the Better Sex Audio book and E-Book Guide.

Remember the music you listened to when you met?

Find those old tracks and have them as background music to a romantic evening.

Read the letters/emails you sent to each other (if you had any at all and have kept them!).

Get the photos out from your early days.

Wear the aftershave/perfume you wore when you first met - your brain will do the rest!

Constantly ‘rehearsing’ what you dislike about your partner?

No wonder you are bored!  You are routinely making yourself (and him/her) more miserable.  Time for a marriage/relationship make-over!  Alternatively, be brave enough to end the relationship.

Did you get together with your partner/boy or girlfriend in the hope that he or she would make your life exciting?

Only you can make your life worthwhile.  Unless you take personal responsibility, you may find yourself bored in the next relationship.

Swap regular sleep-overs for the children with friends

Dress up in different rooms for starters!  Take turns in organising a surprise outing (see above).  If you have children, also take turns to arrange for baby-sitters (or see above).  Alternatively, cook a three-course meal for your partner (or buy ready made stuff and pretend!), when he/she least expects it.

Picnic in the middle of the night and watch the stars

Or picnic at five in the morning, watch the sun come up and listen to the birds' morning chorus.  Picnic in the pouring rain or in a raging storm.

Change things in the bedroom

A bedroom is for sleeping (and sex of course) - so take the television out. Make love, just be tender, listen to music or a spoken book together.  Swap sides. Change the room around.

Go to bed together for a change.  I know one of you may be a night owl, but hey ... this is a chance to invest in the relationship ...

Go on a last minute holiday

Boredom leads to stress!  What about being really spontaneous?  Put yourself out: ring your partner's boss, arrange for your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend to have time off.

Sort the children, the cat, the dog and the plants and arrange for a complete surprise.

Be sure that your partner is up to those kinds of tricks though - you would not want to cause a medical emergency!

Brainstorm together

Write down any idea to change your regular pattern you can think of, however silly it might initially seem.  Sift later and plan for the best.

Make sure that you won't again need to search for 'how not to be bored'.

Change your perspective

You may be able to reframe ‘routine’ into a ‘sense of security’, when you are bored with your marriage/relationship.  This changes its meaning - signifying a deeper attachment: the next stage in your relationship, when you have an opportunity to nurture a warm sense of togetherness.

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