Bored with your marriage/relationship?

Break the routine!

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Do you need help to inject some energy into your relationship/marriage?  I hope to be able to give you that.  That is ... if you don't want to end the relationship (see further). If you are worried that your partner is getting bored with you - you need to make sure that you understand the importance of nonverbal communication (see links further down)

Otherwise, I have a list of solutions to help dispel that boredom and create more excitement as well as intimacy.  Want to start right now?  The best way of doing that is with Save your Marriage/Relationship.  Lee Baucom, PhD is an expert in putting relationships back on track.  Even if your partner isn't interested - you can make a difference.

Are you bored and don't even know how to talk about it to your partner?  Hop over to my page on relationship communication to help you get started.  Do come back here for you both to have a look at what can help to improve the situation.

If your query is more about your being unsure whether your relationship can last, than this end relationship quiz will help you to find out if you should.  Perhaps you need to visit my page Warning signs of a breakup (see links) too.

I realise that you may have been thinking about ending your relationship.  I have written several articles on ending relationships (links further down).

Normal to feel bored in a relationship?

You are probably aware though that it is fairly normal for that all-absorbing flush of excitement of an early relationship to wear off somewhat.  It may last from a few months to a couple of years.  However, a long-term relationship does not necessarily mean that romantic love cannot last.

To bring back that sparkle, one of the best things you can do is engage in some completely new activities.  See further down.

Breaking the monotony

Are you absolutely sure that you are bored with your relationship/marriage or your partner - or are you actually bored with ‘life’?

If you know it is your relationship - could one aspect of your life, e.g. work or an affair, be so fast-paced/exciting that your marriage/relationship feels boring in comparison?

Read on for ideas to change your routines and break the monotony of your relationship - if at least for the moment you are committed to making it work.

For starters

For an immediate tool to spice your relationship, this is for you: Text The Romance Back.

Personal issues?

Do try and create some happiness in yourself as well as in your relationship.  Take this opportunity to start sorting out some personal issues.  You can do an awful lot yourself and really make a difference  You don't necessarily need counselling or therapy.  I have interviewed the director of HypnosisDownloads, so have a look at hypnosis online FAQ.

Imagine sorting out your problems whilst laying on your bed or sitting in the sun.  How cool is that?  You'll be surprised how quickly your boredom disappears as snow in the sun.

Change your perspective

You may be able to reframe ‘routine’ into a ‘sense of security’, when you are bored with your marriage/relationship.  This reframe changes the meaning of the supposed boredom and monotony into a deeper attachment - the next stage in your relationship.  This is the stage whereby you have an opportunity to nurture a warm sense of lasting, comfortable and settled togetherness.

Changing routine - how not to be bored

Do something completely out of the ordinary together

Life can become ever so serious and predictable, when you have bills to pay and a job to do.  You may have little control over that.  However, you can change your routine completely in other ways.

For example: if you both like the cinema – go to a theater performance instead.  If you like going to gigs, go to an opera.  If you like watching movies at home, go for a six-mile hike.  Instead of going to a football match, go to a tennis match.  If you like clubbing, how about ballroom dancing for a complete change?

Dr Helen Fisher - a biological anthropologist, who has research why and whom we love for match.com - has discovered in her research that doing novel activities stimulates the dopamine circuit in the brain - it is the circuit of romantic love.  Go for it!

Just think: the anticipation and the stories to share after the event.  I am sure you get my drift!

Do you have a hobby or interest you both love?  How about starting an internet business together and create the possibility of working from home.  To find out how other people (most of them with absolutely no prior knowledge) have done just that, click here.

Plan ahead or go last minute

Whatever you do - it has to be new to create that bonding effect!  Get away for a few days and do something completely out of the ordinary for you.  Go cheap: go camping, hire a bicycle, or expensive: go luxurious, if only for one night.  In fact: make plans as well as provision for the spontaneous.

Finding it difficulty to decide?  Brainstorm in advance one evening - make a list of things you might like to do given the opportunity.  Be sure to include both your wishes.  Your going along with something your partner/spouse likes, is your investment in the relationship.

Are you investing in your own interests?

You could of course be doing too much of that already - in which case, hop to the next heading.  But if not ... it is unrealistic to expect your partner to meet all your needs.  You each need time for your own personal development, your own interests, hobbies and friends, as well as sharing leisure time.

There should be no need to feel threatened by your partner's outside interests - if you spend enough time together and all is well between the two of you.  At the end of the day you have something to talk about, if each one of you cares enough to show an interest.

If you do feel threatened or you and/or your partner are not interested in each other, than you definitely need to read warning signs of a breakup and causes of divorce.

Put a big cross in your diary

A relationship is like a plant – if you don’t feed and water it, it is going to die!

If you are both very busy, perhaps with work, your own interests (though see previous point) and/or with the children, make space in your diary for just the two of you.  Put a very deliberate cross in your diary for, at the very least, one evening a fortnight, where you plan nothing at all, but be together.

Do something you would not normally do!  To keep the relationship alive and lively - it is really helpful if every now and then you do something completely out of the ordinary.

Remember the music you listened to when you met?

Find those old tracks and have them as background music to a romantic evening.

Read the letters/emails you sent to each other (if you had any at all and have kept them!).

Get the photos out from your early days.

Wear the aftershave/perfume you wore when you first met - your brain will do the rest!

Constantly ‘rehearsing’ what you dislike about your partner?

No wonder you are bored!  You are routinely making yourself (and him/her) more miserable. Time to sort your relationship or marriage out - in the most reliable way.  Alternatively, be brave enough to end the relationship.

Did you get together with your partner/boy or girlfriend in the hope that he or she would make your life exciting?

Only you can make your life worthwhile.  Unless you take personal responsibility, you may find yourself bored in the next relationship.

Swap regular sleep-overs for the children with friends

Dress up, or undress ;-), in different rooms for starters.

Take turns in organising a surprise outing (see above).  If you have children, also take turns to arrange for baby-sitters (or see above).

Alternatively, cook a three-course meal for your partner (or buy ready made stuff and pretend!), when he/she least expects it.

Spice of your sex-life, read books from Nicole Daedom, Kidder Kaper, Tommy Leanard and Tammy Nelson.  Or find some exciting films!

Picnic in the middle of the night and watch the stars

Or picnic at five in the morning, watch the sun come up and listen to the birds' morning chorus.  Picnic in the pouring rain or in a raging storm.

Change things in the bedroom

A bedroom is for sleeping (and enjoying your sexual relationship of course) - so take the television out of that room.

Make love, just be tender, listen to music or a spoken book together.  Swap sides - sleep on the other side of the bed every now and then. Change the room around.

Go to bed together for a change.  I know one of you may be a night owl, but hey ... this is a chance to invest in the relationship ...

Go on a last minute holiday

Boredom leads to stress!  What about being really spontaneous?  Put yourself out: ring your partner's boss, arrange for your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend to have time off.

Sort the children, the cat, the dog and the plants and arrange for a complete surprise.

Be sure that your partner is up to those kinds of tricks though - you would not want to cause a medical emergency!

Brainstorm together

Write down any idea to change your regular pattern you can think of, however silly it might initially seem.  Sift later and plan for the best.

Make sure that you won't again need to search for 'how not to be bored'.

In case you missed the link - I have resourced a great ebook that can help you change things straight away.  Inject some energy into your relationship/marriage with 300 Dating Ideas.

You may also be interested in:	Food affects your mood!
Nonverbal communication Warning signs of a breakup How to end a relationship Ending a longterm relationship How to deal with rejection Dealing with infidelity or extramarital affair Relationship problems

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Other helpful links:

American Psychological Association - Does a long-term relationship kill romantic love?
Why Him Wy Her - Dr Helen Fisher's test

Images courtesy of: 1 gansales; 2 unknown; 3 Midoly Ashida; 9 Garth burger

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