How to avoid divorce revenge

Part 1, Part 2

Guest article by divorce lawyer Tara Yelman

Here are a few tips to consider before your divorce, in order to avoid financial revenge:

  • Make copies of all financial records and statements. Know where your money is and where it can go.
  • Keep an eye on cash in joint accounts, especially.
  • Get a credit report of yourself and your spouse.
  • If you haven't already done so, start taking steps to establish your own credit. 
  • Decrease liabilities by paying down joint debts and mortgages.
  • Change PIN numbers, security codes, account passwords, account access, etc. to establish your new-found financial privacy.

Understand that working together with a divorce planner or tax accountant can actually minimise losses and save each of you money.

One of the most stressful events in your life is going to be your divorce. Revenge not only adds to your soon-to-be ex-wife or husband's distress, but also yours.

Take time to relax and even learn to meditate perhaps - there is no better way to disconnect yourself from the anger and hurt.

I also recommend self-hypnosis and particular to your situation, listening to the right hypnosis download instead of taking revenge will, without a doubt, help you to prevent doing something you later regret.

Ways to sidestep your own wish for retaliation

If you think you may be heading down the dirty path of divorce with revenge and retaliation, there are some steps that you can take to avoid those actions:

  • Recognize the emotions that you are feeling, and understand that as tragic as they may be now, they will heal with time and care.
  • Use resources like friends, family, counselling, support groups and therapy to heal your emotions.
  • Determine whether you are dealing with feelings that have sprung from some sort of financial burden, or something that can be settled in court.
  • Find a lawyer, apart from your spouse's, who understands the grief that you may be going through, and can help you handle it logically. 

Tara Yelman is a San Diego divorce lawyer originally from New York. She received her JD from California Western School of Law and has been practicing family law since graduating in 1995. She is currently the Managing partner of Yelman & Associates and in 2005 became a San Diego County family law settlement judge.

Part 1, Part 2

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