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I am hoping to help you get to
grips with all that arguing. An angry couple is an unhappy
couple, with both of you likely to feel hurt after every
row. I am hoping that the information here and on other
pages will equip you to better communicate what you feel so
passionate about.
First of all, when you begin to focus on meeting each other’s human givens (see links further down) particularly your essential emotional needs, you are much more likely to ride the waves and calm things down.
You will also want to consider what you would be doing if you weren't arguing! What exciting things have you lined up together instead of wasting time arguing?
You may also want to read my page: Warning signs of a breakup (see links).
Have you been wondering whether or not to end your relationship, then this end relationship quiz will help you decide.
Oh ... and in case you suspect that your partner is going to leave you soon, you may as well be prepared - visit my page: How to get your ex back and bookmark it!
It helps if your partner/husband/wife knows in advance you want to discuss something important, or something that you know would normally cause and argument. Here is what you need to consider.
Know
what you want to achieve in ideal circumstancesDecide on a ‘reward’ for after the conversation. Have something that you are both looking forward to doing together. Conversations about difficult subjects are only a part of your relationship. Nurture your marriage or relationship by planning new and rewarding activities. (Tip: a new activity increases the level of dopamine - a ‘feel-good’ hormone linked with excitement and energy)
You may not necessarily come to a conclusion, but if you have managed to have a respectful discussion - you have been successful. Agree on a time when you can build on your discussion to work out some agreement that would suit you both.
Remember, if you love each other, whether you are married or are in a relationship - you will want the best for your partner. That means neither giving way to let the other always have it their way or manipulating conversations to have it your way. Both will only cause more Relationship problems (see links).
Questions about hypnosis? See: Hypnosis online FAQ.
There are times when it is just not a good time to discuss anything contentious:
Sometimes it is difficult to reach a compromise. In that case the person for whom the issue is least important can choose to ‘invest’ in the relationship. He/she can let the other have it their way, loose the battle, but perhaps win the war and help to save the marriage/relationship.
If you define yourselves as a constantly angry couple, it is time to seek some help. Counselling can really help you gain some perspective and strategies to stop you arguing so much.
However, Save My Marriage/Relationship is absolutely for you if the idea of counselling does not appeal to you - I highly recommend it. Lee Baucom, PhD, the author, is a relationship expert. Be warned though - he doesn't like badly trained couple counsellors who were only ever trained to counsel one person at the time. Thank goodness I was trained by the UK best known and most trusted couple counselling agency RELATE.
Maybe you have been thinking about ending your relationship. Maybe you are worried that you won't be able to carry on, that things will never change. Just to reassure you - I have seen plenty couples go through those stages and come out the other end - with or without help. It can be really worthwhile to just hang on in there, when you really love your wife/husband/partner. Nothing ever lasts, not the bad times either.
Of course, if you are in an abusive relationship, you really need
to consider very carefully what you are getting out of sticking
with it.
The following questions will help you to write your story. Only by providing me with all the information I need can I write a reply with the best possible advice for ending your relationship.
Be sure to give me your first name. You can choose to give me a fictitious name of course.
Please include as much as is relevant to your situation.
Please answer all
of the questions in your story - I will only write a response if I
have sufficient
information.
Please note:
I will only have your side of the story and cannot know all the
details. You remain responsible for you choices and
outcomes.
Just take 10 minutes to write down what your relationship is like and what causes all those rows and answer all the questions above. I will give you the best advice possible.
You will find your request for help here, within the next 36 hours - together with my relationship advice.
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Fine-tune your relationship and lift your spirits!
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| Warning signs of a
breakup Dealing with criticism Relationship communication Nonverbal communication Stress and your relationship How to end a relationship Anger management tips The human givens |
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Images courtesy of: Diego Medrano