Anger management self-help
This is the third part in a series of articles about anger management self help. If you've landed here first, do hop over to Part 1 to gain an understanding of what happens to us when we get angry, and what causes us to be angry in the first place.
I'll still be here when you come back, and then we can look at how to deal with anger issues...
Top self help anger management tips
How to avoid becoming angry in the first place
- Avoid making assumptions or jumping to conclusions at all costs
- Keep focusing on what's being said
- Avoid interruptions with: "Yes, but
", or "No, I don't....".
- Check what was meant before you respond
- Remain respectful regardless of someone else's reactions
- Avoid wanting to be right - this is one of my best anger management tips
- Avoid holding a monologue
- Avoid provocations (see box on previous page)
8 steps to a calmer state of mind when you feel you're about to explode
- State calmly that you'd like a little time out to reflect
- Agree a time limit for the break - at least twenty minutes
- Take some deep breaths, breathe out very slowly
- Continue with counting your breaths: 7 counts in, 11 counts out
- Divert your attention - read, plan, talk to someone else
- Avoid rehearsing your reasons for being angry or being right
- Allow your mind and body to calm down - 20 minutes at least if possible
- Consider the situation from the other person's perspective
These self help anger management tips are useful in any situation where something becomes just 'too much' and you can't take it any more. Much of this I'd be teaching you if you were right here with me for anger management counseling.
Returning to the conversation?
- Start with listening fully to what the other person has to say
- Take constructive criticism on the chin. Learn how to deal with destructive criticism.
- Finish the conversation by acknowledging the positives, however small
What are you dealing with?
It would really help if you could get to the bottom of your anger. As I have mentioned before, it may be that your anger is a symptom of another problem. You'll be much more successful in communicating effectively if you dealt with the underlying problem first.
What exactly is eating away at you? What exactly is making you angry? What exactly are the triggers? Do you feel stuck by blaming someone else?
In fact - you may not even need any anger management tips once you have tackled any underlying problems.
Other helpful links
ScienceDaily: Serotonin levels affect the brain's response to anger
ScienceDaily - University of Michigan. "People who have had head injuries report more violent behavior."
ScienceDaily: JAMA and Archives Journals. Partner controlling behaviors appear to be associated with relationship violence.
Biobehavioural responses to stress in females
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