Advice on your relationship problems

Part 1, Part 2

Are you struggling with relationship problems? Well, you've come to the right place! My site is packed full of help and advice on relationship problems - of all kinds - so I hope you'll explore the pages.

(This is Part 2 of this article, so if you've landed here first then do start off with Part 1 for Relationship Problem Advice which includes a great exercise to get you thinking about the importance of communicating in your relationship.)

Why not take the lead?

The best way to deal with your relationship issues is to act now. Self-hypnosis online is just about one of the easiest and most relaxing ways to deal with problems. An excellent track to download and get you started is Spark Your Relationship.

No longer the princess and the knight in shining armour?

Castle de Haar

When you first met your partner you were really relating to a fantasy - you 'edited out' information about him or her with your own personal template.

You didn't reveal all of yourself either... in some sense you presented yourself as 'the princess' or 'the knight'.

Relationship problems creep in when you both think you're talking about the same things when in reality you aren't. Each of you is prone to missing masses of information - so you may as well be speaking in different languages!

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head.
If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart."


Nelson Mandela

Your conversations are based on assumptions you've unwittingly made. You assume what your partner means, as per your own understanding of the world around you. You're confusing the 'map' with the 'territory'.

You'll reach the point when you can no longer ignore the hidden stuff in your partner, or continue to hide what you choose not to reveal. Slowly you each become aware of what and who you're really dealing with. Only then can you begin to accept, reject, challenge and/or negotiate. (Do try not to complain though - it's way too unproductive!)

In a 'good enough' relationship the observing of, learning about and communicating about what's "inside your head" is a continuous process. You're fine-tuning your template by trial and error, and creating something more realistic and mature.

Respectfully accept that you are both different!

You're unlikely to ever feel, think, communicate and love in the same way, because you're genetically, biologically and psychologically different.

FUN EXERCISE

Each write down the first five words that come to mind when you think about the words: love, closeness, intimacy, fairness, happiness

Did you both write down the same words?

If you wrote down different words, your internal representations of the initial word are different. No wonder you misunderstand each other. It's not a problem that can't be overcome - it happens to us all. You just need to be aware of it.

The most important thing is to always check that you really understand what your partner means.  Words like 'love' and 'happiness' don't mean anything until you attach a meaning to them. They lack detail: who does what, exactly where and when.

The best advice for relationship problems I can give you is to check - with yourself and your partner - what assumptions you may have made. This is particularly important when you feel that he or she has upset you!

However, if you never seem to understand each other, you may have to start questioning your relationship compatibility.

Free as a bird: two gulls flying high

What else do you need right now?

All the information on my website is free.

It may not be enough though. And when you're most in need - and free to choose - it can be hard to decide what other kind of help you need even if you have to pay for it.

I've done the hard work of finding effective and trustworthy tools. Feel free to choose from these 4 categories:

Part 1, Part 2

Related Articles

Other Helpful Links

Personal Relationships - Wiley Online Library - early view articles BBC - Brain and Sex ID - find out how your mind works

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Elly Prior

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It's me - Elly Prior, I'm the Founder and Author of this site. I'm a 'real' person! I'm hoping to make a positive difference, small or large, to every person who visits my site.

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